Fundus

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 04:59:15 GMT

a life without self examination is not worth a life living.

damn right Socrates. damn muthafuckin right!

ive been listening and observing my unconsciousness in my dreams. surprisingly, i know more of myself than i am aware of. damn unconsciousness, you're pretty cool! sorry i wasn't as open to you as before. this encourages the idea that at birth, we contain all the information about ourselves and the world. we just forget it. so what life is (hopefully) is an uncovering of the forgotten. yep. i just hope i can uncover as much as possible before this life is over. but then again, there's the next.

deep down in my heart, i feel if i believe with all my heart that there is a miazaki world with magic, spirits, true faith and true love then that's where my next life will be. and heck yeah i will have a moving castle!

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 07:58:27 GMT

its scary to make decisions sometimes. at the age of 20, i feel withered and spent.

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 22:32:28 GMT

just because he fucks you doesn't give him a higher right over others
just because you're in "love" with him doesn't mean he can disrespect you
just because you think you've found the "one" does not mean he can disrespect others, especially your friends

just because you have a boyfriend does not mean his priorities go first

and just because he's your lover does not mean you don't need you friends anymore.

i'm tired of this world loosing powerful women to love and boys. great grapes ladies, let's get a grip on ourselves. stop acting like every guy is the last one in the universe and scrounge up some dignity. sheesh.

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 07:35:05 GMT

something inside is itching me to change the scenery. south dakota? new mexico? idaho? maybe colorado? its exciting to think about. maybe canada too. i'm going to set a deadline for four years. hopefully three.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 17:37:40 GMT

I AM A COWARD.

goddammit

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 01:29:41 GMT

love.

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 19:31:45 GMT

love is a funny thing. with such a great blessing, comes the greatest pain and fear. i remember my teacher telling me about love and her daughter. yes, her daughter was the birth of her daughter was the pinacle of her life but simutaneously, the fear crept in- fear of the death or harm of her daughter. my mom said that she'd never have children again because the paranoia of whether i was safe or not drove her insane. she told me not to have kids. haha

the same goes for any relationship. you find the love of your life, but down the line do you think you could handle it if something happened to your lover? i think breaking up would be the lighter side of things. i think of my grandparents or any other old couple. being with your loved one for the rest of your life only to have them depart from this world before you do. i can't even imagine that feeling. love better be worth it.

Fri, 08 May 2009 18:50:19 GMT

looking back at high school, i've realized i wasn't really living. oh how much time has changed. It took me so long to get here and it has been an exhausting trip. but its worth it. the colors and brighter. the people love more. and the possibility of growth is present. today is a beautiful day and i'm gonna go for a walk after a cheese and tomato sandwich.

if you have some time, check out aht uh mi hed by shuggie otis.

to the many people who've changed me and who i probably won't ever see again in my life, thank you. even though you most likely don't know, you did something for me. something beautiful, something uplifting, something small but incredible.

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 01:19:45 GMT

where am i going?
.
.
.
well upside is, if i don't know then i can go anywhere. right?

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 00:54:21 GMT

goddamn. it's getting hard.

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 04:42:25 GMT

hah!

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 20:00:05 GMT

finally! i will be playing steel drums this semester! wootage! this semester looks like it's going to be fun, i'm really excited. hopefully there's gonna be another samba class. in any case, life seems very interesting. as each year passes, it gets harder and harder to predict what's going to happen. but you know, i like it that way. it keeps the spice of life spicy!

and new mexico was the shit! hitchhiking isn't that bad. or at least in taos anyways. this new years was the best! it was my first time in a bar and i didn't get kicked out. haha our couchsurfing hosts were amazing and i met many cool dogs. all in all, i think this is the start of my life.

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 03:18:15 GMT

DAMMIT! THEY'RE GOING TO CARNIVAL!!! IN BRAZIL!!!!!!!!!!

i will go to brazil.

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 18:35:39 GMT

what the hell! it's going to be four years in college already. what the flappity crap! i remember being in middle school and can't imagining being in college. it almost scares me how fast time is going. and with every moment i have no idea what's going to happen. but this is the life i wanted to live.

ever since i was a small person, for every wish i could make, i would wish to live the best life imaginable. but it's also scary at the same time.

and GODDAMMIT. why does the he have to be so goshdurn sexy? yeah yeah i know the whole "love of my life" thing sounds contradictory to what i've been saying but ladies,

if you saw him, you'd fall in love too. if there was anything that could stop me, it would be sexy men. and by golly this one's the most dangerous.

told you to go to humboldt!

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 19:42:12 GMT

this winter break im going to taos, new mexico!
and then i'm going to brazil to find the love of my life.

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 04:38:14 GMT

my dog, bloo is a little ham

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 18:28:12 GMT

i belong in brazil.

samba rules my soul!

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 20:26:32 GMT

its really hard for me to sit down and write an entry nowadays.

quick nutshells-

i'm practicing to be in a real samba bateria! (i play the surdus. a very sexy instrument i might add..)

this winter break, me, chels, and mary are going somewhere. hopefully brazil.

chels, mary and I have done a good job lobbying in Sacramento and we're on our way to get
all of the CSUs to join onto the DSP program which will gradually eliminate sweatshop usage within CSU logo apparel business.

I feel stuck inbetween this mode of wanting-to-be-serious relationship and being single. Cameron is a sweet boy and I do like him but Im scared to turn into the person who i don't want to be. a clingy obsessive needer.

there is no better half
you shouldn't need a better half
no one can complete you
you are your own anchor

it scares me when people loose their identities with lovers. people often mistake my view for not wanting love at all. but that's not true. who says you need to give up your identity in order to fall in love? i always see couples that turn into "JaneandAdam." it's no longer just Jane or just Adam. But it's JANEANDADAM. the two have fused together to create some superbeing. and god have mercy if the two ever were to separate. because we all know that janeandadamn would both die. since when is love opening up that much vulernability where if something happens to your loved one, you "can't go on?" lovers get so caught up in the other that they forget that they were them before they fell in love and they are still them after love.

fuck that shit man. think of pixar's cars for a sec. love is like those two cars on the road. love isn't one car pushing or pulling the other car down the road. it isn't about using another person to get moving in life. i think it should be two cars going along or with each other. each car is equal and complete in itself. but it is nice to have another car driving next to you.

yadidamean?

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 17:19:46 GMT

i had the best halloween ever.

and i LOVE samba.

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 00:52:26 GMT

laggin on the updates....but all that means is that there's a lot going on. and it's exciting. someone day asked me after i told them i was a junior if i ever get bored of humboldt. it took me a while to answer cause i couldn't believe they asked me that.

i live the best life i could live.

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 18:11:41 GMT

next week...daft punk/michael jackson party. and goddamn. do i love dancing. i think our house might fall apart after that.

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 01:41:55 GMT

the sun is my second heart
the trees are my lungs
- thich nhat hanh

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 08:35:59 GMT

leaving on monday to ship back into the redwoods. this summer has offered a lot chances to de-construct and reconstruct morals, values, and prior beliefs. this summer demanded much reconfiguration and it's settled me into a new place, ready to get going. this upcoming year may be the most challenging yet, but i'm ready.

this summer, i've lost friends. and have seen sides far ugly than could imagine.
this summer, i've also reconnected with old friends. and have seen sides far beautiful than expected.

but most importantly, i've clarified a point that was in dire need of being clarified.

it doesn't matter what you have or who you have. thing is, you honestly don't need anything. you just want it. and once you have nothing, you have everything.

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 18:32:26 GMT

its getting harder and harder to remember you. your face is getting fuzzy. i can hardly feel anything. the thing is, i'm not sure if that's what i want. but maybe it's for the best.

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 07:50:25 GMT

shitsticks. a line cook? well. it's gonna be fucking hard and stressful. but BALLS TO THE WALLS!